I Remember You…
I Remember You
“I know you”, I said to the man standing in line at Woolco.
“You watched me when your daughter Valerie would go out.”
He stared blankly. “I am the girl that was the four-year-old that you used to ‘play’ with.”
Horror slowly crossed his face as he remembered. “I.. I.. Yes, I remember you… ”.
I stared in open rage remembering how he sweet-talked, bribed, cajoled and begged me to “play” with him. The memories had suddenly flown back about three months ago when I “became a woman”.
I felt courage rise up in me, forming an evil alliance with rage and I started to shake with the memories of how helpless I’d felt, how wrong I knew it was even at that tender age, how wrong I knew that it was now, seven years later. I wanted to punch him in the face. I wanted to kick and scream and torture him. I wanted to hurt him just like he had hurt my childhood, robbed me of my innocence, kinked my personality and twisted my idea of validation with every boy that I encountered in life.
I had been strictly brought up to not talk back to adults. I would get an ugly beating if I did anything like my imagination was urging me to. I had told my mom about this a few months before, but, not knowing what to say, she simply dismissed it. I was left feeling hopeless. We had just started sex education in grade five and it all came back like an avalanche of destruction that ripped away the velvety veil of memory loss that I’d had for the last several years.
It had been affecting me, ever since. I couldn’t talk to my friends the same way. I could not think of boys at all. I could not stand the thought of anyone touching me, kissing me, going out with me; just when I was really getting into boys. I was finding that life was a lot easier to handle if I just kept things inside. I started a diary. This helped, but the crushing memories remained and I just did not know what to do with them.
Until now. I looked at him again. My spine tingled with fury. The words rose up in me and I didn’t know where they came from, even as they were coming out of my mouth.
“I hope that when you meet God, that you feel all of the awful things that you made me feel. I hope that you cry. I hope that you beg Him to stop, just as I begged you. I hope you die.”
I saw a tear form in his eye, but there was no mercy in my soul for him. “I hate you”, I said, and walked away, leaving him with the ghost of his memories, hoping that they would haunt him forever.
Easter Ellen 
You spilled a lot of pain on theses pages. Well done.
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It was not even a choice, as soon as I saw the prompt, the story of meeting him again after i’d remembered just formed in my mind. Would have been nice to end it with forgiveness, but that is not who I was at eleven.
Thanks so much for your kind comment. I appreciate it very much. (HUGS)
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But you can forgive today.
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🙂 Already done.. Just wish I could have put it in the story, but I wouldn’t have remained true to the prompt. Thank God, as this is something that did hurt for so many years.
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This was painful to read, it felt so raw. From the comments I gather it is based on real events in which case I hope that he was reported for what he did. I think I would have wanted to kill him. Powerful piece of writing.
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Thank you so much for your comment. I was a bit nervous posting this as my first story submitted for Tipsylit, but it is the first thing I thought of.
The pain is not there anymore, but it was very real for me at that age when I remembered. It was nice to think about what I would have said.
I never told my father as I was afraid he’d go back to kill the man. I know that he probably would have, actually. But this happened in the late 60s and by the time I told my mom it was 76, so there was not a lot of talk about abuse of any kind at that time.
If it was now, things would have worked out very differently as we teach our children about this from a very young age.
Thank you so much for reading, commenting and your encouragement in my writing. Means a lot to me.
Easter
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Oh WOW WOW WOW. So very well done, Easter–and of course I’m sorry for your traumatic experience. Had my dad lived, I might have had opportunity for such a speech. Decades later, my mom held her usual silence–though she was able to find words for my brother, also molested. Forgiveness is hard.
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Forgiveness is long ago for this man, but writing as the child that had just remembered, forgiveness was years to come.
I had to make up that part and it was a good exercise in creative writing.
I am so sorry that you went through that also. It is difficult to understand how a mother can be dismissive of such behaviour, but so be it. We are who we are today by the grace of God. And because we have forgiven.
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A simple wow is all I can utter.
You gave the pain, beauty. One we now admire while reading.
And what ever comes up first hardly ever lets you go.
Thank you for sharing
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Thanks so very much for your kind word and encouragement. I so appreciate your comment 😊
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That you have found forgiveness says so much about your strength and wonderful heart, E. Love you!
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You, dear Christy shine your loveliness everywhere. Thanks so very much for you kindness. Im so happy to have met you. Love you too 💝🌸
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oh Easter, my heart is suddently at …a stop. We none know what each other have come from, been through, are going through or hides behind the eyes of a smile.
YOU are so beautiful. YOU have overcome…with grace. With God’s grace. You are precious andhow merciful that you have shared. Bless you..
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Thank you so very very much Lisa 💖 in sharing, I hope others can be blessed and given hope for healing their own wounded hearts.
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one can hope!
and btw, i voted!
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💐 thank you so very much 😊
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Hey, I voted! 🙂 This had been painful but then again, you have proven your courage. When I was young, I was so afraid this would happen to me. And everytime I see something like this on TV, I would cry. 😦
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Awwww it so sad that you has such a terrible fear. My kids never wver had
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I knew that I have relatives who experienced that so I was afraid that it would happen to me, too.
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I am so glad that it didn’t. Bless you Wax. You are so sweet
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Ever had a babysitter.
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Such a raw, vulnerable piece. Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you for you kid words. I so appreciate the comment and time you took to read the story. 😊
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Hi Easter, I am going to reblog the TipsyLit post, but you were trailing me the entire time. do you mind if I link your entry in a comment on the reblog? I wanted to give credit to your story as I enjoyed it quite a bit– hard to read but great. Let me know!
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Hi there, thank you so very much for your kindness and thoughtfulness. That was my first time entering and I was really nervous and as soon as I read your post I thought it was so creative and well written. I’m happy that you were selected. 😊 I would be honored if you would reblog my story. Feel free to do whatever you’d like to do with it just keep me posted if you would.
I am actually very touched and honored to know that you would even think of doing such a thing. Thank you so very much,
Easter
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Awesome, it is on my page. 🙂 Your entry was well done, and it gave me goosebumps. Great work, Easter!
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Thanks so much. You’ve made my day and put a smile on my face despite a miserable day with kidney stones.
I so appreciate your encouragement and thoughtfulness.
Easter
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I am so honoured. Thank you again and can’t wait to read more from your great big imagination.
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I am so happy to have made your day brighter. I have heard that kidney stones are quite painful, and I hope that you will heal fast. Hope to stay in touch with you via our blogs, too. 🙂
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😊thank you. Yes there little things should be called torture-stones. I can’t figure out to follow in my iPhone app but I am looking
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Oh, and I did send it to my social media too, so I hope to continue to help to build your reader base. 🙂
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Wow – thank you so very much 💖😀. I e been working hard on building it but can’t return the favour until I am back home and able to get on my laptop. You are so very kind. Dorian has wonderful parents.
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I cried for two days since I read this, my heart goes out to you and your younger self, such unspeakable pain. My brother’s are dealing with this pain themselves and it never stops there but continues to spread out affecting many others. By God’s grace you have come so far and I’m so thankful you are here.
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I am very moved by your comment. Thank you so much for sharing how much it touched you and also for sharing the devastating effects it has had on your family. I am so very sorry to hear of your family’s pain.
You are right in saying that is an unending cycle that you have God’s grace and love in to be able to heal from to lead a mentally and spiritually healthy life as well as to function properly.
Also, you are right because it is simply by the grace of God alone that I’ve been able to heal this part of my life as well as many other areas.
I pray that God will pour His peace out on your family, on your brothers and also on you as it has devastated all of you so very much. I pray that His love will surround you that hHis grace will abide in you and that it will be complete healing for your family.
Bless you lots and lots and lots, (((((hugs)))))
Easter
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This is very powerful and I’m glad the prompt was helpful in bringing it out. Thank you so much for sharing. Welcome to TipsyLit.
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Thanks so much for your encouragement! It was cleansing to be able to foci penalize am end that never happened.
Tipsylit is awesome and I am looking forward to learning more and growing my own story telling.
Have a great night,
Easter
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I’m glad you’ve found peace and healing from this abuse. Hugs!
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Thank you so much. Writing the story was so cleansing In that I could put a closure that never came until years later simply from being able to forgive him. I thank God for brining me to this
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This took a lot of courage to write. I have voted. 🙂
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My wife went through this with her older half-brother…and the family just went totally quiet about it for decades! Feel for you!!!!
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Thank you Jonathan.. It took a while, but I am at a place now where it is just a part of what has made me who I am today.. God is so gracious and iwthout HIm, I would never have healed nor have been able to talk about it at all, nevermind so openly that I actually made a fictionalized ending that would have been good for me when I actually remembered it happening.
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Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
ONE VERY CLOSE TO ME WENT THROUGH THIS TOO.
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