For Abused Spouses – Shadow of Me (2006)

Please note: There is some graphic language in this, but it is a true reflection of what living as an abused spouse (man or woman) is like.. what it was for me. I don’t like the words and had trouble reading them in this post that I wrote in 2006. By then I had left the man that spoke these words for three years and was on my way to healing, with God’s love and grace. God has erased all of those words from my spirit and I do not live in the fear and the guilt (of thinking that maybe I’d done something).

If you are an abused man or woman, please call your local Victem Services or Shelters for Abused Women/Men… Do not believe the lies that are spoken over you. Deep inside, you know the treasure that you are. God bless you.



Shadows of Me

I am crumpled and broken
Where are you today?
You called me a whore
And then stormed away

What did I do to you?
How’d I offend you?
I just want to please you,
Make you happy, defend you

Shattered, I’m crying
I must have done something wrong
Or else you’d be happy
Your love for me strong

It must have been something
I did or I said
To ignite your black fury
To hurt your heart or your head

You call me a slut
A cunt and a whore
Yelling for hours
As I quake on the floor

I cry and I weep
From the depths of my soul
I know you’re a good man
You’re not abusive, not cold

Why do you leave me
Shattered nd broken?
Was it how ugly I am?
Was it something I’ve spoken?

You call me ugly,
Psychotic and fat
How is that possible?
I can’t be all that

You make me feel worthless
Say I’m putrid white trash
Ever fearing rebuke
From your tongue’s brutal lash

Something inside me
Believes you’re not bad
But each time I’m with you
I’m left fearful and sad

Can’t you just hold me
Give a kind word, a smile?
Value me, love me
Even if just a while

I will just try harder
Surely you’ll see
The good woman I am
And then you’ll love me

18 Comments on “For Abused Spouses – Shadow of Me (2006)

    • Oh I am so sad Meredith for anyone who has been through this. Although from the strength I see in your character, I would say you are well over your healing. You have such a strong, positive and driven spirit that just shines on those along your way.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks. I stayed for 25 years. another 5 before divorce. I still picked someone who would abuse me in quite a different way.


        • It was hard for me to leave, as I had a step-daughter who had taken to calling me mommy. And I cared for her much more than her own father did. I feared I would lose her, and as soon as he got word that his first exwife was allowing me over to see her, he had the court say I was not allowed. It’s still hard, and I miss her every day… but I saved his daughter and first wife from experiencing that abuse. I only put up with it for two years, but those were two years too long. ❤

          Liked by 1 person

  1. Beautiful (and heartbreaking) poem Easter. It captures perfectly what so many women in abusive relationships go through every day.


    • I know… I mean thank you for the compliment, but I know that it is so very tragic what women face in this situation. Some men too. It gets to the point where you are only blaming yourself and cannot even see who you are any more. I praise God for the beauty that He has restored in my life (although it took some time) and the healing that has come in bite-sized measures. Hence with Him, I have been overcoming to becoming who He has created me to be. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • …and you are using your own recovery and healing to share your story and inspire others to seek the help they need and to overcome with the help of people who support and love them, and with God.

        So often people hide behind the scars of their past and try to forget them and here you are using them to encourage and bless others in their own pain and suffering. Thank you for being so bold and transparent on here. Your are a blessing and inspiration to all of us! ♥


        • I am taken aback… what a treasured compliment Anna. I look up to you so much, so you have no idea how much this means to me.
          It is difficult to be as transparent as I am sometimes, but it was a promise I made myself and God when I started, so I just have to let myself stand vulnerable and raw at times, hoping that there is a heart that will be touched or a spirit that will relate and somehow know that God is there for them too.

          Thank you again,
          Easter ❤


    • Thanks Christy – as always, you are so encouraging and kind. I’m proud too – it is amazing how much fear can cripple you in that situation.

      Life is so very different now 🙂


  2. So painful to read–every victim’s story is a little different, but the devastation almost always ends up the same. There are days I wish “he” had killed me, rather than left me with memories and no trust to try again.


    • I am so sorry to hear this. With your wonderful spirit, I am sure that God would have the righ man at the right time for you. And you must trust in God, not the man. For God will never disappoint you.


      • I trust God–but I’m not putting myself out there to meet a man; a blog dude prophesied that God would send a husband to my door–hasn’t happened; I think I need a lotta work before any guy would take me on….


    • Thank you Dear K – it was from a while back when the emotions were very fresh still… it is so sad that another human being would make a person feel like that. (

      Sorry I have not been around.. back home and recovering, but sleeping in between writing spurts more than anything


I love and appreciate feedback. Feel free to let me know what you think. Bless you lots, Easter Ellen

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