What Weighs Can Pay

Sometimes, it is what we don't see and pray for that will carry us to the other side where healing lies.

Sometimes, it is what we don’t see and pray for that will carry us to the other side where healing lies.

When I thought, at first about today’s prompt (Baggage Check), which asks us to talk about how our past has affected major life decisions, so many things came to mind and I struggled to choose from my divorce, my interactions with my eldest daughter, my decision (albeit forced) of work over family (this is a hard one). Then I got it. What has transformed me was one simple decision made about twenty years ago.

I had already been praying through a very ugly marriage with a man that was choosing drugs over family and refused to work. I had been praying through aย very high-stress job that demanded a lot of time, energy and commitment working with others that all competed to be most-favoured, or top of the list. I struggled through being accepted into the marriage that I had made into a different culture. Some members of the family treated me as if I were not even close to who they were, and made me feel like dirt. In their own language, which I came to speak fluently simply through osmosis, they called me “the stranger” or properly interpreted, it can mean outsider or foreigner.

I made a decision to live a life of forgiving others. Just because we are told to do so in the bible. Not because I was ready to forgive or even understood how much that decision would impact my life, but simply as a child grudgingly obeys a parent’s command that they have to do whether they want to or not.

At first, I took this as a “pray for your enemies” attitude. I would, by rote,ย go through my prayers and in obstinate reluctance, mumble the names of those that had hurt me for blessings. Eeek, when I think of how ugly my heart was towards these people, I am surprised that God even listened at all to my prayers. I really did not like doing this.

As time went on, it became more a habit to pray for those who hurt me and the reluctance started to slip away as God was softening my heart towards obedience more than towards those that I would pray for.

At some point, I came to realize that I really was praying with an empty spirit towards these people and how wrong this was. How could I still not like them so very much and hold such bitterness and just say their names by rote obedience? Where was I conforming to the true commandment of “Bless your enemies”? This burned within me. I wrestled with it. Some of these people had lives that were so much better than mine and yet they were so mean. How could I put my heart into praying for them?

Again, out of sheer obedience, I prayed.. now specifically praying that God’s love would pour over them and that He would richly bless their lives. Ugh.. My spirit wrestled with my hurt, but I continued on.

I couldn’t tell you when, but there came a time that my view of each of these individuals began to change. I saw the insecurities instead of the bullying or the cutting comments, or the mean spirit. I saw the way that they used this aggression or control as a means of trying to carry their own difficult vision of themselves to make others look lower than how they saw who they were.

Some of these people, moreover, were Christians that were constantly making me feel unworthy although they meant otherwise.. They meant to help, but their words and actions were hurtful and made me feel less accepted and loved, as if I would never meet their standard.

Some of these people were family. These cuts are, I think, the deepest and truly have taken the longest to heal, but in seeing the hurt within their own spirit, I began to feel an obligation, as a child of God, rather than a disgruntled youth, to pray for peace in their lives.

I can say, in all honesty, that this has changed my life. Almost all of the people that I’ve prayed for, have either been shown to me differently so that I am not at all affected by their own hurt, or even better, our relationships have healed.

This has been a 20-year practice, but one that I am most grateful for. This has been my saving grace.

What I didn’t see, is that when I started this, I, myself was filled with bitterness at the hurt, even hatred towards those that continually hurt me. In softening my hearts towards them, God showed me my own heart. God softened my heart. God gave me the gift of being able to heal my hurts through praying for others’ hurts.

Try it.. it works wonders in your own peace of mind and spirit ๐Ÿ™‚

Bless you lots and lots,

Easter

22 Comments on “What Weighs Can Pay

  1. Praying for your enemies is different than praying against the Evil One. Praying for your enemies is all about doing what you just wrote. Praying for one’s enemies is preparing a “table before thine enemies”. This table offers to rebuild relationships.

    At this point, I used to say: “You go girl.” But, women seemed to turn hostile until I learned that using the term “girl” was mistakenly interpreted. I’ve changed the expression to “You go lady.”

    So, you go lady.

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    • ๐Ÿ™‚ You go girl works for me..

      Very true in what you have said. I tend to pray love into or over people rather than against the evil one (I won’t capitalize his name).. I will pray protection and scripture, but over the last few years, my prayers have changed.
      I believe both ways are scriptural and in line with God’s will, just both have a different place in God’s wonderful tapestry of weaving His workers together. ๐Ÿ™‚
      Easter

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  2. So very insightful! We can choose to hate the people that have hurt us or instead show them empathy as they must be wrestling with demons to have committed negative acts towards us. You took the higher road and that is the right one. He is looking down at you and smiling ๐Ÿ™‚

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  3. When I got to the end when you say you didn’t see your bitterness. That is so true we see others ugliness and meanness that we don’t realize it’s our own short comings that we ignore. We try to be accepted by others and fail to accept ourselves. This is one of the issues I am working on accepting myself. I believe once I do that I will be happy because in all reality that’s the only person that can make me happy.

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    • ๐Ÿ™‚ You have hit the nail on the head. We can only truly love when we love ourselves. We can only truly find and give happiness when we look within and to God and then it spreads. When we look outside of our spirit for happiness, it can only fail.

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    • I am so delighted to hear that. Thank you very much for taking the time to comment & read this. I hope that you see a difference in the relationships that trouble you. Bless you lots, Easter.
      ๐Ÿ˜Š

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  4. Easter, your words are so powerful and packed with Truth. I admire you for choosing to pray for others in spite of their behavior. I’ve recently been reading up on narcissism and have found that these troubled ones need lots of prayer (even if we have to keep a safe distance). You are blessing yourself by making the biblical choice to love your enemies, and you’ve blessed us by your godly example.

    Blessings ~ Wendy โ€

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    • Thank you so very much Wendy. I so appreciate your kind encouragement. I have felt very inspired the last several months to be leaning more in this direction in my writing (hence the new blog), although I will always love expressing myself through my first love of poetry.

      It is so true that even though we think that we are blessing the other that bothers us, it is a release that causes first a relief, then some understanding, and then, finally forgiveness.. it is such a gift to forgive and be rid of the burden of carrying the hurts that are so toxic to us.
      Thank you again for your kindness Wendy,
      Abundant blessings,
      Easter

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  5. Thats a great journey. Not everyone learns to forgive, especially me. I am not a forgiver. Maybe I will learn this lesson in time or maybe I never will. I don’t like to hurt people but hate when they hurt me.

    Thanks for the share ๐Ÿ™‚

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    • Thank you for your considerate comment. It is very hard to start forgiving. But you know what they say, the first step is always the hardest. It was very, very difficult for me to start forgiving people that had deeply hurt me. Some of them is taking years to be able to forgive maybe even more than a decade however, I have found that in doing so something in my spirit lifted and it just made me feel better all over as a person.

      Maybe, someday, it will be your turn to try. Like I said it is worth trying so maybe just take a baby step of wishing well on someone that’s hurt you even though it seems against your nature to you. I hope it goes well for you and either way you are a wonderful person

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      • I hope I can get to that stage in life, right now I want to make more time for myself. But thanks for being considerate and sharing this, because there is always hope and room for improvement. Stay blessed ๐Ÿ™‚

        Like

I love and appreciate feedback. Feel free to let me know what you think. Bless you lots, Easter Ellen

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