Bad Dreams to Good

Inspired by a fellow Blogging U 101 participant, Lana that decided to join a writing prompt about dreams and how they affect our reality. I decided to take part in this with her What Dreams are Made Of.

 

I took a while to answer this prompt about dreams. I have had good dreams (even a great one lately!) but most of the dreams that I remember are very, very bad and I can remember them from as far back as 4-years-old. These dreams would scare me so much that I would start praying in my dream that everything would be ok, not realizing that they were dreams that I was praying in, just wanting to stay alive.

The reaction on waking is always the same.. Screaming, shortness of breath, frozen, crippling terror, that is completely indescribable and I am incapable of expressing the horror that they have left me feeling. I will sit in bead too afraid to move. I try to stop my chest from moving as I breathe so I they won’t notice I’m awake. (Even though I woke up screaming.. doesn’t make sense now, but it is how I react). I desperately want to reach for the phone but know that it will cost me my life. This goes on for what feels like forever but probably is only a few moments. Eventually, I start to realize that there is no one in my room and that I can open the light. But my fear disagrees. It is still a while before my hand quietly and hesitantly slithers out from under the blankets to reach for the lamp or the phone (for the light it will shed). Reality will slowly settle in, my breathing will go back to normal, and as I pray, I start to feel comforted.

I get up, walk to the window and look outside. Someone had told me to do so very many years ago and once able to do this, it is a tremendous help.

Ok – so where does the happy ending come in? The dreams still come, the fear is still crippling (unless I am sleeping beside my beloved Antonio, then I can nuzzle into him after he’s woken me up).

When I was in my early teens and the bad dreams suddenly became worse than I had remembered, that is when I started to pray in my dreams. Thinking that there were people inside my home killing my family, I prayed with sweat and fear. When I was in my early twenties, they took another terrible turn.. but this time, as I prayed, I saw Jesus. He took me up an elevator out of one of the scariest places I’ve been and brought me to the roof of the building.

From there, the Lord showed me the city of Jerusalem, lit up so beautifully.. the sunset of purple and orange in the background and the hues of Heaven lay sparkling around us. The lights in the homes just glowed and the magic of the sunset and the gift of His touch numbed me.

I don’t remember anything after that, so I must have awoken.. so.. here is the happy ending in how it affected my life.

I feel that I have always (for whatever reason) been shown the ugliest pieces of humanity and in what we are able to do so horrifically in my dreams. These dreams, which although terrifying in the biggest sense of the word, have drawn me closer to God. My spirit so trusting that I pray even in my dreams, saw the reality of prayer answered right within the dream.

This affected my faith and my life in a tremendous way. It is not that it was a turning moment for me, but more a deeper knowing of what I knew already. That God loves me and that even in the worst of nightmares, He is there for me. I’ve said before that Stephen King would have no comparison in the level of fear that my dreams bring, yet, always, the prayer is answered by overflowing love and knowledge that I am loved, I am blessed beyond measure to know so, I am His.

25 Comments on “Bad Dreams to Good

    • Thank you.. It is so difficult to describe the feelings, but knowing that God is there when I wake up makes such a difference, even though it takes me a few moments to get there.
      I pray before sleep most nights, also. Thankfully the dreams come in waves every four-six months or so. Not sure why that is the timeframe, but so be it.
      Blessings and love,
      E

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      • Easter, I must take umbrage with you today. You describe feelings so very marvelously, how can it be hard.

        A behavioral psychologist would tell you that things that repeat themselves in our lives do so in a circadian cycle.

        (My professional life was as a spiritual therapist working with addicted personalities.)

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        • I am sorry.. I know that I express myself well, for the most part, however, no matter how I go at it, the terror is just a chilling knife in the spirit (maybe that was the description) that is so difficult for me to articulate.
          I was not trying to discredit myself, only emphasize the magnitude of the crippling fear.
          As for the circadian cycle, I will have to look that up. All I know is that every time I am relieved that they over, they find me again.. and again.. and…

          What a very interesting profession! I have met a wonderful Christian Addiction specialist that is a doctor that worked with my eldest daughter for a while. It was a shining time as I saw such a beautiful connection with them from the moment they met. What a wonderful lady. She had decided to take her in to their in-house program, but my daughter backed out at the last minute. This was my third attempt to get her into an in-house program. I pray she opens her heart to God sooner than later. She does believe, she just is not ready to give up her poison.. yet.
          Bless you Gary and thank you (as always) for sharing.
          Easter

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  1. It’s funny you mention Stephen King and nightmares. I read many years ago that’s his nightmares gave birth to his early books. In addition to strengthening your faith maybe the dreams are inspiration.

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    • Isn’t that something?? I read a couple of his books when I was younger, but I realized how bad they were for my spirit quickly and kept away from them just as I have never been able to watch a horror movie. They just hit too close to home for me.
      Even if the dreams are inspiration, I could never see myself writing the evil that lies within them. Just too horrible..

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  2. What a humble and beautiful acknowledgement of a very fearsome difficulty. And I love the way it has all turned out 🙂

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    • 🙂 Thank you so very, very much.. I believe that it is amazing how God does, indeed use everything for our good and His glory!
      Have a wonderful night,
      Easter

      Like

I love and appreciate feedback. Feel free to let me know what you think. Bless you lots, Easter Ellen

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