The Healing Place

Daily Prompt: A Mystery Wrapped in an Enigma

The Healing Place

Some things are hard to talk about.  Some things seem impossible.  It is those things that are buried so deeply in pain that even the thought of them can bring tears.  These are the things that we need to talk about.  These are the things that we need to have healing from.  These are the things that we need to bring to God.

I have said this before, but for those of you that are newer followers/readers of my blog, I will say it again.. I started this blog with a promise to myself and God that I would be brutally honest and talk about the hard things that hurt the most.  I believe that if something I write, although painful to talk about or share can touch even one person so that they don’t feel alone in a similar situation, then it is worth the pain and effort of sharing.

So here I go, baring my soul again.

today 2080 Old Photos 122

My daughter, who is my first-born and an angel to my spirit, is a drug addict.  Not just a casual smoke-up here and there user, but a serious addict that is so caught up in that world that it has almost completely changed the wonderful child that I have known and loved the past twentyy-three years.

It started when she was twelve – I think as a game from someone else that she loved who kept her quiet by giving her marijuana.  It was not fine, it was not good and caused the family tremendous stress.  Quickly the addiction grew as I sought out medical help, help from the school boards, help from psychologists, psychiatrists, church, rehabilitation centres (which I put her in three times) and any other desperate plea I could think of to stop this road to hell that she was spiralling down.

Although I was a single mother, most of my time and effort were spent on her to “fix” the problem, at the very high cost of not giving enough attention to my other three children and even losing days at work as I chased down different professionals in hopes of helping her stop.

The family suffered.  As the years went on, she was completely reckless.  She would take any combination of whatever she could get her hands on and it was a very desperate situation.  More than a few times, I had to call an ambulance.  More than a few times, the police came to try to stop her violent behaviour towards her siblings and often towards me.  The children lived in this volatile situation which caused them fear, stress, anxiety and dealing with my own depression as I was not able to do anything to stop this tidal wave of destruction.

Many times friends counselled me to “kick her out of the home”.  What a harsh thing to think about doing to a sixteen-year-old child who despite her behaviour, had so little life skills that there was no way, in good conscience that I could do that.  I could never have lived with myself if anything had happened to her.  By the time she was 18, her addictions had escalated further and her behaviour was more destructive than ever. She was coming and going at all hours of the day and night and nothing at all could stop her.  My poor kids… going to school, they were waking up all hours of the night from her violent outbursts, her bringing strangers into her room at any time of the day or night.  I finally was ready to do what needed to be done by this time.

This is the girl who cried with me every afternoon after watching “Touched by an Angel”; who cared for me in every way when I was sick with kidney infections, stones, etc; she came to church with me; she prayed with me; she cared deeply and compassionately for others as slowly this part of her was being eaten by her consuming hunger to be high every moment of her waking life.

I watched her destroy herself and the family.  Finally, just after she turned twenty years old, I took the courage and told her that she had to leave.  It was not only heart-breaking, but it was also a hell that I did not expect.  My sons, who at the time were 16 & 17, were steadfast and there for me.  She even went to the extent of phoning the police on me to say that I was crazy as I wanted her to leave.  The police were there no more than ten minutes before they saw through her attempt to turn the tables.  It was so, so sad.  My heart has never hurt me as much as it did when these days were passing.  A part of me died as she left me.  I still had faith in her healing, but I had such strong hope that she would be healed at home and that it would never come to her leaving.

Was the lesson mine to learn?  Was this for her good, for my good, the family’s?  Any way that I look at it, I only see a family destroyed and try to hang on to the hope that I have always had.

When she left, I had hoped that she would bring herself to detox.  I had given her thirty days before leaving to do so.  I promised her that if she did that, she could stay and that I would continue to support her in every way possible.  The day that she left, I reminded her that I had been begging her to not let it come to the day of making her leave and that I had wanted her to go for help and she just said “f you”.

So there is the hard part of this story.  There is some light, although it may still be far away at the end of this road.  For these things I am so thankful. She is worse now than ever and I hear terrible stories of what she does to get drugs – I cannot even type the words, but use the worst of your imagination.

I still have held tight to faith and believe that she is healed as soon as she decides to see that God is still standing beside her with His arms wide open waiting for her to just open her eyes.

I still see glimmers of the sweet, thoughtful child that stole my heart before she was born.

I still believe with all of my heart that God is bigger, God is stronger, God is more able than I (we) could ever imagine.

I still love her with all of my heart.

  • Thank you for reading.  This was very hard to share, but if it touched you in some way, I would love to hear
  • Easter Ellen

41 Comments on “The Healing Place

  1. It takes such strength to share this intense hurt and still show so much love and faith. Thank you, Easter! 🙂

    Like

  2. I hope and pray she will find her way and one day serve as an inspiration to others, as you are doing now. Healing for your heart as well friend. Hugs Belinda

    Like

    • 🙂 Thank you Belinda. Yes, God is always working on my stubborn heart, but I am so thankful that His love and faith are so much greater than mine and He sticks to me even when I inadvertently wander.
      Thank you so much for the prayers.
      Easter

      Like

  3. Pingback: Jacob’s Secret (short fiction) | The Jittery Goat

  4. Pingback: What You May Not Know “About” Me! | Joseph Rathjen - Freelance Writing

  5. I applaud you for being so brutally open. I know addiction well . . . my brother died of alcoholism at a young age. Alcohol bit him and he couldn’t break free. Our family did exactly as you did. Know that she is the only one who can free herself from this. Supporting you 110%. You are both in my prayers!

    Like

  6. I have a thirteen and nine year old daughter so this did touch. I hope your sweet girl finds her way back!

    Like

  7. Dearest sister,

    I feel your pain. I have a son that had to be turned out of the house. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. To not do so, I truly believed, would have been to interfere with what the Lord wants to do in his life.

    My prayer is for peace that passes understanding for you, and for God’s redeeming love to break through to your daughter soon.

    I appreciate Acts 16:31 that says, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved, AND YOUR HOUSEHOLD.” I remind the Lord of His words often…and those in my household that have yet to come to faith in Him. One by one (I have 7 kids), I am watching Him do just that. He still has a couple of tough nuts to crack yet, but He will!

    Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.

    (You might try my “box” idea. I wrote about it here: http://lessonsbyheart.wordpress.com/2013/04/20/back-in-the-box/. It sounds crazy, but it worked – so long as I left them “in the box!”

    God bless you and heal your broken heart, dear mother.

    \o/

    Like

    • Wow – thank you so very much. I so appreciate your sharing your faith and it is so special to know that there are bands of us who stand together in faith for our children and the special promised future that our precious Lord has for them.

      May you be wonderfully blessed.
      (I have opened the link but not read it yet – not sure if I will be able to tonight), but I am looking forward to reading it.

      Easter

      Like

  8. Oh Easter this is a painful story. I wasn’t addicted like this. I was a party girl when it was gone it was gone. But I was in a relationship with and addict for many years and I know the pain you feel watching someone you love hurt themselves. My son is basically in the same situation. All we can do is pray because the only way they will find the answers is to hit the bottom and sadly they have to hit it hard before they wake up and sincerely want to heal. I’ll be praying for you to have strengthen and for your daughter to get well.

    Like

    • Thank you so very much 🙂 You are of such beauty and strength. I’m so glad to have found you on here.
      You have my prayers for your son and yourself as well.

      Like

        • God is great at leading our roads the right directions. I pray that you have peace internally to not blame yourself at all and that your son will turn to God’s loving arms sooner than later.
          Hugs,
          Easter

          Like

  9. You are a good mom. I wanted to say that first. And you are not alone. I too have a child that has taken the long road with the detours. Yes, she is a drug addict. She is on her own and doesn’t even want to see me anymore. She doesn’t want help – yet. But, like you and so many others here, I keep praying. Prayers never die and God is faithful. I want so much more for her than she wants for herself. It breaks my heart. Yet I still believe. Like you said, God is greater, and her story isn’t over yet. I stand beside you sis, and pray, and cry, for the deliverance of our children, in Jesus Name.

    Like

    • You’ve touched my heart. Thank you so very much for your kind words and for sharing your story with me also. It is such a difficult place, but in one way, we are gifted in that our spirits seek the guidance and comfort we need from God.
      In His grace, He not only comforts us, but He blesses us abundantly.

      Like

        • 🙂 And to you also. May God richly bless you in this time of waiting patiently in faith for His promises are always true, and may your child’s eyes be opened to the love and beauty of God’s grace, mercy and abundant love.

          Like

  10. I put a long comment here a while ago but I dunno why it wasn’t posted. 😦 Anyways, I just wanted to say I admire how strong you are and for keeping the faith. Just continue loving her as how Jesus loves us. I’m sure someday she’ll realize how a great mother you are and how much you love her. She’s an adult now and she’s the one accountable for herself but I know you did your best when she’ was younger. Just like what the others here have said, I am hoping that she’ll also be an inspiration to others someday just like how you are with us. I’ll be praying for the both of you! 🙂

    Like

    • That means a lot to me Wax.. thank you so much for your kindness, your prayers and your loving spirit.
      I have faith that God’s promises will win over all and the prayers I (and so many) have lifted to Heaven for her will never go to waste. Funny, I’ve always seen her as being able to inspire others also.
      Bless you so much,
      Easter 🙂

      Like

  11. Oh Ellen, I cant even imaging the pain you are going through not having any children myself. Tough love really is tough but you did what you had to do. My thoughts are with you.

    Like

    • Thank you so very much.. I appreciate your words of encouragement and your kind thoughts. If I didn’t have three other children, I probably never would have had her leave, but protecting them gave me the strength.
      Thank you again,
      Easter

      Like

  12. I am amazed at your honesty. Thank you for being candid, and I pray the journey with your daughter hits a better road,

    Like

    • Thank you so much Mark.. it can be so very difficult to open up those vulnerable places, but it is a catharses also that I know can maybe touch someone else that needs to read it.

      I appreciate your time and encouragement,
      Easter.

      Like

      • You are right. We are in treatment for my daughters cancer. Very early, I took a sunshine and rainbows approach, my nature is glass 1/2 full. when I saw the truth of how bad this chemo is, I let fly and it has been good for me and the people in our prayer network to see the truth.

        Like

        • Oh I am so sorry to hear this. May God bless your daughter and family as you are in this difficult place in life. I pray peace, God’s love and even joy can pour over you all.

          Like

  13. I cannot even imagine the difficult times you and your family has faced. It must have been really tough for you to word this phase of your life. It is like reliving it.
    God bless you and your family. Frankly you did what you should have. It is not possible for a mother to let of her child (atleast when the child is in such bad state). But for the sake of other children, and harmony, this was the correct step.

    Love,
    Fatima

    Like

    • Thank you so very much Fatima,
      Your words and time mean a lot to me. It was, indeed, very difficult to articulate it as it is all emotion wrangled in my heart, but once I started to write it… it just came.
      Seeing my other children suffer day after day and how it was affecting their lives forced me to make that heart-breaking choice.
      May God bless you with your kind spirit and thank you so much for your time and for commenting.
      Easter

      Like

  14. And, another part of our stories parallel each other’s. My addicts were my first wife and me. I’ve been clean and sober from illicit substances for 32 years this Labor Day. I much prefer the high of my faith in God. I still stay away from the liquor aisle in the grocery store. I am still tempted to act out addictively. My drug of choice today is sugar.

    I agree with all the comments above.

    May God bless you and give you His peace.

    Like

    • Thank you Gary.. I so appreciate your sharing with me. Substance abuse is such a terrible road of self-destruction. My husband, then my daughter have had their lives destroyed by it. I fought for them for may years, but it takes a lot of time to realize that the choices were not in my hands.
      I am so glad that you gave yourself over to God’s wonderful mercy and grace and began your wonderful relationship with Him. You are a blessing – thank you.
      Easter.

      Like

  15. Pingback: Sunday Sweets & Smiles: Girls | Wax's World

  16. Pingback: Eyes of sorrow | Ireland, Multiple Sclerosis & Me

I love and appreciate feedback. Feel free to let me know what you think. Bless you lots, Easter Ellen

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

everyday deelights

capturing your deelightful day

When Women Inspire

Highlighting Inspiring Women Around the World

Remind Your Mind

Navigating the journey to higher awareness.

New Millionaires Mindset

It's all in your head

Be Inspired

You're Here..., Because You Inspire God

HASTYWORDS

Turning Tears & Laughter into Words

forgottenmeadows

thoughts from my mind to yours

eastelmhurst.a.go.go

I have a hyperactive imagination.Welcome to my world. You can get here by way of Astoria Blvd.,Sunrise Hwy or Wyoming Avenue~

dribblingpensioner

Just another pensioner with his thoughts if he can remember them

Joke for today

A NEW JOKE EVERY DAY

RANDOM!!!

This is where i go to a random mode

Don Charisma

because anything is possible with Charisma

- LozziiRAWR - Quotes

Quotes that mean something

Conversations Around the Tree

friends and followers discuss random ideas

Storybook Art Café Blog

Every Life is a Storybook Unfolding! Learn about faith, hope & love through Scripture, stories & art

Tipsy Lit

the publishing imprint of author ericka clay

Covey View

a covey of bloggers presenting a view of their world.

3 words

working with three words a day

Today's Author

Fostering a community of creative writers through articles, comments, writing prompts and a healthy, supportive environment.

The WordPress.com Blog

The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.

Meredith's Reveries

Think, read, write

The blossoming fall

Dealing with the everyday issues of school and friends.

Tripping Over Pebbles No More

Rants, raves and ramblings about whatever takes my fancy

Hortus Closus

Pour vivre heureux, vivons cachés

Triumphant Wings

A Journey with Lupus & Antiphospholipid Syndrome

jaybluepoems

This WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamas

MBK Wildlife Photography

Wildlife Photography and Bird Photography Blog, technique and pictures

Living With No Excuses

The Way Forward!

Hostess At Heart

Sharing life one recipe at a time

From the North to the South

And all the stops along the way

Gail Masinda

Music Studio

Dare to Dream, Live to Write

Closer to the dream. One word at a time.

My Renaissance

This is my journey of constantly being reborn into a better self every day. ~

boy with a hat

writing as a way of life

Amongst the crowd

A truthful and honest journey

{This Is Life}

... it doesn't get better than this!

Cladach Publishing

Producing and Providing Christian Books from Our Shore to Yours

Tell Me About It

Tell Me About It

Angelart Star

The beautiful picture of angels makes you happy.

Willis Island Walking

The story of a completed walk for charity around a desert island in the Coral Sea

photo roberts blog

ich zeige euch meine stadt wie ich sie sehe

Wandering Iris

Wandering through life, getting better every day.

Lins Doodles

Illustration Friday challenge, artwork, mixed media, drawings, photo challenges

ArtKorppi

ends 28.3.2016?

Uncle Tree's House

Putting music to words, and words to pictures ~

Why? Matters

Why do I do what I do?

%d bloggers like this: