Bigger than Life
by michelle w. on May 17, 2013
Tell us about something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail (and tell us why you haven’t tried it yet).
Too Big to Fail
Life for the last decade or so has been challenging to me. In my younger years, I had all of the reckless confinedce that any youth would have. I faced all that I encountered with the KNOWING that I would succeed. I did.. In work at least. I did, at raising my children when they were young, protecting them from the harsh reality of their home and dad that had chosen to not work, not be home, become an addict (of immense proportions) and I just worked while trying my best at keeping them all together.
Eventually, I wore down. My energy started to fail me. I was tired. My marriage was, despite all the effort and hope I had put into it, worse than a disaster. My kids were showing the signs of coming from such a destructive environment. I left, eventually, but it was too late in so many ways. I cannot go back in time, but I wish that I had the courage to face the things that I really need to face with faith, hope and the sense of knowing that with God, it will be ok.
I want to fix my life. I would, if I knew where to start and could know that I would not fail again.
- My eldest daughter. The face of an angel, a heart of gold, she was bright, charismatic and beautiful. I took her and her three siblings out of the house when she was twelve.. But the addiction had already started with her (at the time, I had no idea). I would do anything to have her clean and free from the chains of our past.
- My youngest daughter. Like a ray of sunshine, she lights up the room when she enters. She is charming, bright, beautiful and witty. I have lost her trust over the last several years. I miss her more than words can say.
- My boys.. They are back on track in life.. In school and working, but I wish I could give them back the years that were so hard on them.
- My home. It needs fixing (a lot) and a good top-to-bottom, which I just never have the strength or stamina to get through. Yes, I will get through a little, but then there are the bad days and nothing gets done. I would love for it to be like a normal home again.
- My health. I want to feel better, look better, have more energy.. Or any energy for that matter. I am tired of kidney stones constantly ravaging me and I just want to be able to function normally again.
Well, that was another “difficult to share” piece, but dang! I promised myself that I would not compromise when I had to write and that I would write the truth.
I have faith that in time, God will lead me through it. It just seems bigger than life to me at the moment. I am glad that He has a plan.. especially when I can’t seem to come up with any more.