Sweet Deception (from the void of my depression a few years ago)

Christ-in-Getsemaneh

Sweet Deception

 

The sweet, dark cave is calling me

Luring me to the abyss

Soothing thoughts and dulcet tones

Chaotic reality dismissed

“Shhh, sweet child, just drift away

Thy thoughts need not be so

Numb thy mind; take solace here

Sweet nothingness to know”

Drifting, floating, dark waters call

“Face down and float in my pool;

Soothing, sweet and comforting

My waters, they are cool”

Yes, I hear you; yes I want

That numbness of which you speak

I long to feel that void of thought

My soul and my spirit are weak

Lord where are You? I desperately call

Rescue me from this fate

I am spinning fast and spiralling down

Help me before it’s too late

“Precious one I hear you call,

I know your world is black

but I am light in the darkness

and I will help you back”

I give it to God and I lay down my hurt

My every fear in His hand

Take my spirit, my breath, my heart and my hope,

Help me again to stand

I did come out of this depression after an internal battle, eventual medication and the loving persistence of my daughter, my sister and my angel niece Emily.  Through God in Heaven, they saved me.

10 Comments on “Sweet Deception (from the void of my depression a few years ago)

  1. I can feel your tears as you wright, I can feel your pain as my heart bleeds as i read your words

    Like

    • 🙂

      Yes, this entry was a result of a brutal attack of depression that I had never felt before, but with the grace of God, I was over it faster than I could have hoped for. It was almost lulling in the feeling to just slip into it. There was a welcomed numbing as I went deeper and deeper – words losing their shape and certainly drifting apart when joined with other words. But it is a dangerous and deceptive place for I could not at all function in it. Life just stopped for that brief time.

      Like

  2. M’Lady, spiritual warrior

    My steed enters your valley;
    I see blood on your ground.
    O Woman, O Warrior,
    You suffer without sound.
    Like your Lord before you,
    No wimper; profound!

    All alone do you fight,
    Wielding sword in the light?
    Without man and knight
    To side you this round?
    My eye sees you right,
    Sole warrior, O might!

    I hear your yearning,
    “O where is my knight?
    My partner, my lover,
    On this lonely night.”
    His entry to your valley
    Would be such a sight.

    As I enter your valley,
    What is my right?
    Do I come to prepare
    Or protect and preserve
    Behold me, I’m for you.
    His sister to serve?

    Softly circling, eyes ever so keen
    One shadow to another, what does it mean?
    Cautiously and carefully observe,
    Reading sign seldom seen.
    I’m finding your missives
    From a heart long lean.

    Approaching and protecting,
    With prayers for you;
    Healing and helping
    With no profit to redeem.
    Giving and nurture
    Is what you now need.

    O warrior, O Lady,
    Should I come in or go out,
    What need you from me?
    My history shall shout
    With blood on my ground
    For others, not self
    Making no sound.

    O warrior, O Lady,
    Is it welcome or out?
    What allow you me do
    Is it myrrh or goo?
    My sword is my Lords;
    Is it also for you?

    Matters not what I want
    Nor even what you
    Ever need or desire
    Except from your heart.
    Our Lord is Who plans
    What reward is due.

    So give me my orders
    My fight is for you
    In velvet or sackcloth
    Whatever we do;
    Do we enter this battle
    Warriors and woo.

    What is it will be
    When this day is done?
    My Lord sends me near
    O Lady, you hear?
    How may I serve you,
    My lance and my spear?

    My prayer not sufficient
    For this lonely fight.
    I give you my shield and
    My sword for this fight.
    Two warriors last longer
    In suffer and might.

    Soft hearts and minds
    Are seldom to find
    Together in battles
    And reaping the wind.
    Tell me sweet Maiden
    How can I be kind?

    O Maiden not you’re rite
    To fight all alone.
    Would you back to back with me
    All sinew and bone?
    Or fight on through time,
    And do it alone?

    I feel helpless at times
    Prayer isn’t enough
    For my arm has sword
    And it can be tough.
    For you or another
    You’ll not tell me all gruff.

    ‘Tis fight to the finish;
    I know nothing else.
    What can I do with you
    That one does much less.
    Prayer I do give you
    But more I do wish.

    So what is your pleasure
    Let me in or keep out?
    Take my long broad sword
    And give out a shout!
    Is it bounty and treasure;
    Do we stand strong and stout?

    I’m led here to help you
    What can I do?
    This fight needs another
    To lift burden from you.
    Tell me my sweet friend
    My sister, yes you.

    Like

    • I am so glad… and that is why I am so compelled to write. To share my pain, joy, overcoming.
      You have made me very blessed to know that it has touched you.
      You are strong and will get through this and look back wondering how it ever got so bad.

      Like

  3. Pingback: Never Give Up | Distracted Martin

    • Depression has been a battle of mine and a lot of what I think is my better poetry came from that time. It is easy to write the fun pieces right now, but getting that depth is difficult when I am not in that difficult, dark place.
      Thank you again for your kind encouragement.

      Like

  4. Beautiful Easter Ellen. You write with experience, feeling and truth what you know.
    So must our experience be with our Lord.amen.

    Like

    • Thank you so much… Yes, it is through life’s hardest moments that the gifts of tomorrow come, whether they are gifts to our own spirit or to another’s.
      Bless you lots,
      Easter

      Like

I love and appreciate feedback. Feel free to let me know what you think. Bless you lots, Easter Ellen

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