So Why Blogging
Daily prompt: Million Dollar Question: Why do I blog?
So Why Blogging?
I have asked myself, many times, what compels me to write? I know that it is out of need, but that is not enough of the truth, I would guess that pretty much most writers would say the same. Is it out of spite for those who have known me and looked at my writing with disdain? Perhaps that’s part of the truth, but it is just a surface-level answer.
I still feel very vulnerable with every posting I publish in my blog, even though I have posted so many times.
The truth is that I have always written, or at the least always had the desire to, even when I was not writing. I have written since I was old enough to be able to express the hope and the hurt that simmered within my spirit, at the age of eleven when I started to journal. I was faithful to journaling and it was such a love… In my own little world, my beautiful retreat from the chaos around me.
I had read “Dear God, It’s Me Margaret” by Judy Bloom and just knew that I HAD to do the same. I asked for a diary for my eleventh birthday. It was the typical little diary with a lock and key. The pages filled quickly and then in time, It became notebook after notebook. My mom tired of buying me notebooks told me to just use a binder. By the time I was fourteen, I had begun to journal on lined paper that filled up D-ring binders. The pages were full of little-girl hopes. I was in love with (ok, I was in far-away infatuation with) one boy and then another. They names doodled into hearts, written in block letters, bubble letters and description of all the wonderful reasons I was in love with them. I smile at the memory of the frivolity of it all.
The pages offered me something that the rest of the world could not give me.. They listened to me, they cared. They allowed me to write out the pain of being in a home where my parents were always fighting and where my mother showed more disapproval and anger towards me than the rare moments of love and affection, that I craved and yearned for. My binders were my own home full of love for me. After all, they were just pages, but as I said, at least I felt that I was listened to. I was a lonely teen-ager. I had moved so many times that even when I had a good friend, I would feel that I would lose them soon, so the feeling of facing the world alone prevailed. This is when I came to need writing.
Through the years, the journaling continued, the pages less filled with doodles, hearts and boys names and instead filled with page after page of pouring out my heart. I felt so alone most of the time. The writing became darker as my confidence wained and my despondency grew. I journaled as I was engaged, got married, had my first, second and then third child. I became to busy to write after that as I was working full-time as well as mothering these children in a home that needed much to be ideal. My fourth child came and from time to time I would pick up a pen, but I was not consistent as I had been.
Years later, when my youngest was four years old, I started to write again (but I have talked about those early years of blogging in another post, “Today, I Celebrate the Gift of Words‘).
And so, the question remains; why do I blog? Why do I put myself out there and let the world of whoever wants to read these words, see into my heart, my hurts, my joys, my fears and my faith in God?
I blog because I have to.
I have searched my heart many times to question if I am looking for fame, for fortune, for praise, for applause. It is a great feeling to have someone praise something that I have written, but that is not why I put my naked soul out in a public place. I do it just because it is my way of sharing love. I know that there are many who have gone through, or are going through a similar path to my own. There are so many men and women that have gone through broken-hearts, broken spirits, stolen dreams and quashed hope.
I have to share because I know that there is hope after hurt, harmony after heart-break and the peace and love of God that is truly beyond anyone’s understanding. I hope that there are those who will take comfort in my words, that may cry out of relief because someone else out there in this big, huge world KNOWS what they are going through and has made it. I still struggle, I still waiver in my faithfulness to God, but I love Him and never question His incredible love for me.
I blog for you, the reader to feel that connection with me, to share our journeys and with you to overcome the battles and struggles in life to become what we are created to be.
Blessings to all, and if you have a comment, please feel free to post it. I appreciate feedback.