You on My Teal-Blue Sweater
You on my Teal-Blue Sweater
I remember, some time after you had told me you love me.. The first time we spent a whole night together, it was then that you first let me know that you know I love you and you told me that you love me too. It was in early March. The next day when I got home, I was still weak from the passion that we shared. I was still dizzy with desire, I was still filled by the pleasure that you bathed me in. I felt like I was on fire.. floating.. flying.. so in love. After you left me to travel back home, I could vividly smell you on the shoulder of my teal-blue sweater, the very same colour as your beautiful eyes.. I smelled it through the day and the memories of your beautiful eyes, your loving kiss, your tender touch and your passion for me were so alive and flooded over me drowning me in your presence all over again.
Of course I wore it the next day to work and the smell, still alive and strong on the right shoulder of my teal-blue sweater, the colour of your beautiful teal-blue eyes and it brought me to a place that I could drift in and out of your love again. I would, if only for a heartbeat, again feel the tenderness of your lips on mine, I could, just for second, feel the way that you made me shudder. My head would spin all over again and I would be filled with the tingling that you gave me even as I sat at my desk. I closed my eyes and would see your vulnerability, love and strength all at once in your eyes and I would smile in a smile that only love can bring.
I certainly could not wear the same teal-blue sweater another day, (although I would have if I could have gotten away with it) but I left it on my night table and smelled for you again the moment that I got home and then again before bed. I had to really search to find you, but I found your smell again after only a brief moment. I breathed in deeply and took you in. My smile came back and I was back in your arms. I was in your strong, loving arms again.. the sweetness of your smile between our kisses floated before me as the magic of our love once again filled my senses… I drifted to sleep with the smell wrapping its arms around me and kissing me through the night.. And I slept smiling the smile that only love can bring.
A few days later there was no denying that the smell was gone. I searched and searched for the comfort and the desire that the smell of you would bring to me. I could not find your smell, yet the memory was longing to be remembered again. I was so very sad to not have something tangible in my hands to have you with me until the next time I would see you several weeks later. I hurt to smell you again and to feel you fill my senses as your hand would graze over mine.. your lips hungry to taste the sweet love in my lips again.
The teal blue sweater the colour of your beautiful eyes got washed and then hung in my closet. When I would miss you terribly, as I often did as I longed for you to hold me close to you again, I would go to my closet and smell.. to see if there was anything left of you on that precious teal-blue sweater, the very colour of your beautiful teal-blue eyes. I breathed in deeply, like I do as I nuzzle against your back when I am with you, but you were not there. I closed my eyes.. breathed in the memory of your smell and there you were again.. your smile laughing at my silliness for smelling a shirt that you had touched weeks before and had been washed clean. A smile crept across my face. The smile that can only be smiled by one that is truly loved. Every time I saw you, I would breathe deeply through our time to drink you in. You always found this funny, but it was my connection to the sweetest love and the ripest passion that we had bathed in from the moment we met. My fear to never take in all that I took in every time I nestled into you which affected me so much that it could make me feel weak.
And so I hold our memories. So it is that you have chosen to not return to my love. I may never again be out with you and lean into your back nuzzling in the way that I do just to breathe you in to fill my senses, but even so I sit and hold your love for me, my love for you and all that we have shared so very dear to me.
The memory of your love fills my senses and I am filled with joy in the beautiful moments that we have shared, with love as I have never known it before, with longing and with tears. You have filled my spirit more than the scent of you on my teal-blue sweater the very colour of your beautiful eyes ever could. You have sung to my spirit in a way that only one truly in love ever can. You have graced my soul with the beauty of being truly loved by a good man that showed his care and nurturing in so many ways and on so many levels.
I will forever close my eyes and breathe you into me. I will forever close my eyes and meet you in my precious dreams where you are always waiting for me as eagerly as I long for you. Where you are forever mine as you truly are in spirit.
Forever without you, I am forever with you. I will forever fall asleep, your teal-blue eyes before my face, loving me as plainly as when you held me. I will forever wake up with your kisses on my head as I fear the night, fear the day, fear the pain, fear that I will forever be alone, and fear that this long-suffering will never end. And yet I will have the memories of your heart, the memories and reality of your love and the reality of my undying love for you forever in my spirit. I must sleep now as you have said. I will hold my pillow and cuddle into you, forever loved by your beautiful spirit. Forever loved by you. Forever looking at the love in your beautiful teal-blue eyes where I can always see the depth of the love you have for me.
Funny.. one of our favourite songs is on "Goodbye my Love, Goodbye". Con te partiro. I love you forever.