Lifting of the Veil

One day I looked at you
I gave you my heart
I wanted to be in love
I wanted you to love me
I gave it my all
I tried so hard
I reached, I stretched,
I bent, I posed

One day I realized that I was not good enough
I was not smart enough
I did not work hard enough
I did not keep house well enough
I did not try hard enough
I did not raise my children well
I did not make enough money
I did not sacrifice enough
I was too ugly to please you
I was not loyal enough
I was not thin enough
I did not love well enough
I was a bad wife
I just was not good enough
I broke
I shattered

One day I lay crying in the closet
Nothing I did worked
You hated me
You were never happy
You ever raged at me
You rejected all that I gave you
You ever accused me to be what I was not
You wanted someone better
You wanted a good wife
You needed someone smarter
You needed someone to take better care of you
You needed a better mother to your children
You needed someone who would try even harder
My world was shattered
Every dream I had robbed
Every hope I had ripped from deep within me

One day I looked at myself and the veil was gone
Dear God – could it be true?
I was not stupid
I did not look fat
I was not ugly
I was not a whore
I was a loving mother
I was a loyal friend
I was bright and eager
I was loved by my friends
I was liked by my co-workers
I was always good at my job
I was nurturing and kind
I was funny and sweet
I was a faithful wife
I was an abused woman

One day I looked at you and the veil was gone
I saw you for who you are
I saw that you lived in a world of fury and rage
I saw that you lived in jealousy gone mad
I saw that even the parents that raised you were useless in your eyes
I saw that you thought the world owed you
I saw that you thought you were God’s gift to humanity
I saw that you could not keep a friend
I saw that you did not care to earn a living except through me
I saw that your children were not important enough for you to work for
I saw that I was nothing more to you than any of the whores you slept with
I saw that you did not know me
I saw that you never did a thing to make life better
I saw that you did not see me for what I am
I saw that the crack you smoked was more important than food on the table
I saw that you did not want to stop it
I saw that you did not want the help I had struggled through giving you
I saw that you despised everyone and everything laid in your path
I saw that I needed to leave you

Today I look back and now I see
I see God by my side cradling me through those years
I see friends that perservered through the blockaded doors
I see children that have suffered and scarred terribly
I see a world which offers no end to suffering
I see a woman that has overcome
I see a life that has new beginnings
I see promises of God’s restoration
I see that I am still afraid to hope
I see the damage done is slowly healing
I see the good that sharing can do
I see that this could help you

Or someone you know.

One Comment on “Lifting of the Veil

  1. Lifting of the Veil

    I lived this SAME GOD DAMN EXISTANCE. I’m glad to be FREE of it.


I love and appreciate feedback. Feel free to let me know what you think. Bless you lots, Easter Ellen

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