Many of you who have already read through my blogs or who have spent any time with me know my view on the walls that we put up and how I have painfully removed mine to be able to live from my heart and despite the risks of leaving my heart open at times, the peace and true joy that I have found from this has blessed me tremendously.
When we have been deeply hurt by those we love and trust in life, with reason we methodically build walls to protect our hearts, to keep risk at bay and to purposely keep everyone out. It works. No heart, no hurt. Walls offer a surface life where we can exist politely, exist by sailing through, affection without emotion, friends without relationhip, sex without love. Great bandaids. Just enough to keep the emotions, spirit and heart comforted without allowing the razor-sharp arrow of love to invade our lives.
It works… until true love invites itself and decides that it has vacated for long enough. True love does not settle at the surface but by its very nature insists and perserveres relentlessly until it is in the midst of the heart and stands there steadfast demanding only the fullness that it has to offer. The victem of this attack of love is left feeling violated, perhaps even raped as their whole world is turned upside down. All the patterns, the behaviours, the systems that so efficiently kept every emotion and feeling in check, now useless before them. They are left helpless to this overwhelming and surprisingly massive power of love within them.
So what to do? Life is just so seemingly easier with little bandaids, why have surgery? Panic at first… Maybe even succumb to this for a bit to taste of it’s bitter sweetness. So delightful to let go, but RISK is screaming in your face to cover up cover up, cover up!!!! NO NO NO NO NO screams everything within you. Your head is in utter distress, trying to analyze the situation.. totally unable to relate to the foreign thinking of your heart. Your body longing for just the simplicity of a good lay, but your heart telling you that there is so much more when you join with someone in mind, soul, spirit, emotion, body and heart. Your emotions longing to just go back to comfort mode.. alarms of potential hurt raging within you… Everything screams NO!!!!!! Except for your heart. Your heart which has been so carefully burried, so systematically ignored, so meticulously disregarded. Why the heck does love have to come along?
Fear is the enemy of the heart. Thinking is the robber of living from the heart. Deception is the comfort that keeps the heart far from depth. Living from the surface a very lously bandaid offering false comfort.
I have come to realize that the walls that people live in do not protect them at all. They simply take from us the opportunity to live in fullness, to walk in true joy, true peace and true love. They steel the fire from our eyes, the delight from our laughter, and the depth from our relationships.
Who am I to tell you to live by your heart? Who am I to tell you to risk tearing down that comfortable place that you have so carefully built. As I lie with my heart raw, exposed, vulnerable and tender to the point of stupidity, who am I to tell you to try it? Sitting here proving your very own self prophecy, who am I to tell you that if you take a chance, you won’t get hurt? Why risk the bruising, the tearing and possibility of being ripped apart by the beauty that love offers?
I can only say that my heart has a taste of hope to have all that I dream of. My heart has a dedication to receive all that God has for me and I will not settle for less. I will not be robbed of the beauty of love, even with the bitter shadow of hurt that looms with every relationship.
I will not be robbed, so sledgehammer to the threat of walls it is for me.